


How The Flea Stole Christmas

by Bendifferus



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Christmas fic, Grinch AU, Izaya is the Grinch, Look at his coat, M/M, Rhyming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 05:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9056452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bendifferus/pseuds/Bendifferus
Summary: Everybody in Ikebukuro liked Christmas a lotBut Izaya, who lived up in Shinjuku, did not...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly Grinch AU for Drrr!! fans. Enjoy and happy holidays!

Everybody in Ikebukuro liked Christmas a lot  
But Izaya, who lived up in Shinjuku, did not.

Izaya hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be he slept without anyone at night.  
It could be, perhaps, that his pants were too tight 

But I think that the most likely reason of all  
Might have been that his heart was two sizes too small. 

But,  
Whatever the reason,  
His heart or his pants,  
He stood there on Christmas Eve, looking down on his humans like ants  
Staring down Sunshine 60 with a sly, Flea-ish grin,  
And thinking of all the games only he could win.  
For he knew every human down in Ikebukuro beneath  
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.

“And they’re having their hotpot!” he snarled with a sneer.  
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”  
Then he giggled, his flea fingers nervously drumming,  
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”

For  
Tomorrow, he knew…

All the human girls and boys  
Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their toys!  
And then! Oh, the joy! Oh the Joy! Joy! Joy! Joy!  
That’s one thing he hated! The JOY! JOY! JOY! JOY!

Then the humans, young and old, would sit down to a hotpot feast.  
And they’d feast! And they’d feast!  
And they’d FEAST!  
FEAST!  
FEAST!  
FEAST!  
They would feast on roast vegetables, and rare roast meat,  
Which was something Izaya couldn’t stand in the least!  
Then he got an idea!  
An awful idea!  
Izaya  
Got a wonderful, awful idea!

“All I need is a reindeer…”  
The flea looked around.  
But, since this was Japan, there was none to be found.  
Did that stop Izaya?  
No, the flea simply said,  
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”

So he called up poor Kida, and he took some red thread,  
And he tied a big horn atop the boy’s head. 

Kida shook his horned head sadly,  
But Izaya warned him quite clearly not to do this job badly.

He sent the headless rider a quick, emoji-filled text  
And thought to himself about what he’d do next.

“I know just what to do!” Izaya laughed in his throat.  
And he donned a fake beard, and his black Santa Claus furry-trimmed coat.  
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great little trick!  
With this beard and this ‘reindeer’, I look just like Saint Nick!”

THEN

His cell phone buzzed and he heard a neighing sound from a horse,  
Celty stood in an alley below, her neck smoking with suspicion, of course.

Izaya clapped his hands and hopped around,  
Then he went to meet the black rider on the ground.  
He routed her payment through his computer,  
And made Kida load everything onto Celty’s horse, Shooter.

All the windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.  
All the humans were dreaming without a care.  
When he came to the first little house on the square.  
“This is stop number one,” the Information Broker hissed,  
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.  
But, if Santa could do it, then so could this bitch!

He got stuck only once (for a moment or two).  
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.  
Where the humans had stockings all hung in a row.  
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"  
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smirk most unpleasant,  
Around the whole room, and he took every present!

Pop guns! And bicycles! Saika swords! Drums!  
Autographs! Manga! Popcorn! And plums!  
And he stuffed them in bags. Then Izaya, very nimbly,  
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!  
Then he slunk to the kitchen!  
He took the pudding! He took all the milk!  
He cleaned out that fridge as quick as a flea.  
Why, That Man even took the last pot of tea!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.  
"And NOW!" grinned Izaya, "I will stuff up the tree!"  
And he grabbed the bonsai, and he started to shove,  
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.  
He turned around fast, and what he saw made him scream!

Sleepy Shizu-chan, with his hair all mussed on his head.  
Izaya had been caught by this man when he got out of bed!  
He stared at Izaya and sleepily said, "Santa?? ...why”  
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"  
But, you know, that Izaya was so smart and so slick,  
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet little Shizu," the fake Santy Claus lied,  
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side."  
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."  
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."  
And his fib fooled the man. Then he patted Shizu-chan’s head,  
And he got him some milk and he sent him to bed.

And when Shizu-chan went to bed with his cup,  
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!  
Then the last thing he took  
Was the log for their fire!  
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.  
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.

And he did the same to the other human’s houses,  
Leaving their living rooms looking quite dire.

It was quarter past dawn... All the humans, still a-bed,  
All the humans, still asnooze  
When he packed up his sled,  
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!  
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!  
Three thousand feet up! Anyone would die if they jumped it!  
Up the side of Sunshine 60,  
Kida and Izaya rode with that load to the tiptop to dump it!

Kida complained and fussed the whole way,  
But Izaya shut him up by threatening to give him no pay.

Hahahahahahaha!" he said, while flea-ishly hopping.  
"They're finding out now that Christmas is stopping!"  
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"  
"Their mouths will hang open a minute, and I  
Will hear all my humans in Ikebukuro cry!

"That's a noise," grinned the Flea, "That I simply MUST hear!"  
So he paused. And Izaya put his hand to his ear.  
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
It started in low. Then it started to grow.  
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded scary!  
It couldn't be so! But it WAS scary! VERY!  
He stared down at ‘bukuro! The Flea popped his eyes!  
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Shizuo down in ‘bukuro, still in his red nightclothes,  
Was hurling vending machines, and Izaya froze.

All the children below, with their eyes all aglow,  
Watched as Shizu-chan put on a really great show!  
He shattered the glass on the vending machines,  
And the kiddos collected the candy with joyous screams.

The parents stood laughing, and Izaya exclaimed,  
“Dear god, that beast will never be tamed!”  
He took off his coat, and he took off his beard,  
And he jumped on the ground, so angry about what could be heard.

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!  
Somehow or other, it came just the same!  
And the worst part, the worst part of all!  
Was the man down below, looking so sexy and tall,  
With his red pajamas and his tousled blonde hair,  
He was giving everyone candy while Izaya stared!

Simon was there sporting a grin quite wide,  
offering free sushi to everyone with pride!  
Erica and Walker were jumping around,  
screaming that this scene was right out of a manga they’d found.  
Togusa cried, because Kasuka had shown up with Ruri,  
And Izaya’s twin sisters were asking her boyfriend for autographs amidst the flurry.  
It seemed all the humans were having a great time,  
While Izaya stood alone, contemplating his crime.  
He stood, with his flea-feet ice-cold in the snow,  
Wondering: "How could I again be foiled by Shizuo?"

And what happened then? Well...in Ikebukuro they say,  
That Shizuo came up the side of the building to make Izaya pay!

“Izaya, your enemy’s appeared!” Kida cried,  
And then he hurried away to save his poor hide. 

The information broker turned around very slowly,  
To see the ex-bartender regarding him lowly. 

“Shitty flea,” said the man, his cigarette puffing,  
“I know it was you, there’s no use in bluffing.”

And Izaya looked to his left and his right,  
and realized there was no way to take flight.  
He was up in the air, atop Sunshine 60,  
With a thousand presents, looking quite shifty. 

“Shizu-chan,” said the Flea sweetly,  
“I must admit, you’ve floored me completely!”  
Then with his switchblade he threatened  
Until his Shizuo-based-anxiety lessened.

But what happened then, Izaya did not expect,  
He did not expect his rival to quickly deflect!  
Striding forward and flicking the knife to the ground,  
Shizu-chan checked to be sure no one was around.  
And then, looking deep into his eyes, Shizuo said, to Izaya’s surprise,  
“You’re lonely as hell and I’m here to stop it, so come back with me, and let’s have some hotpot.”

And what happened then? Well… as Erica would say,  
Izaya’s small heart grew three sizes that day!  
(There are claims, that no one knows are true,  
That Shizuo gave Izaya a little kiss, too).

Whether his heart grew or not,  
One thing is quite clear.  
He and Shizuo stood there, and they didn’t fight.  
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,  
Izaya quietly put the knife away and said  
“Just for now, this game ends.”  
And he, HE HIMSELF! Izaya! Ate the hotpot with friends!


End file.
